The Daily LOL

Ted Haggard says he's "homoheterosexual, but with issues."

Specifically:

"Those labels just don't work, and from the research, they don't work for most people. The boxes don't work for me," he said.

Now, coming from someone who hadn't spent the better part of his life condemning those who fit into "other boxes," I would think of this as actually enlightened. But given that the guy saying this now kept spewing homophobia right up until the moment he got outed by a male prostitute, it goes from being enlightened to a hilarious attempt at self-justification.

And note how he still can't just admit that what he did represented, at the least, being a bisexual. No, instead he just "has issues," which sounds like the same old line about homosexuals being bad rephrased to sound not quite so awful.

I hate to engage in schadenfreude, but this guy keeps inviting it on himself. And why doesn't anyone ask him if he still has a meth problem? Seems to me that most normal people would be more concerned that the man admitted to using methamphetamine while he was with the aforementioned male prostitute. Has he gone to rehab, or is that just one of his "issues?" Maybe his upcoming appearance on Larry King will reveal that, but given Larry King's knack for 1) asking the softest softball questions in the business (except for maybe Barbara Walters) and 2) putting me to sleep if I attempt to watch his show, I won't hold my breath.

Roy Zimmerman - "Ted Haggard is Completely Heterosexual" (be warned, the lyrics aren't exactly clean, though they are hilarious)